Feelings Are Not the Final Truth

Steve Miskelley

Welcome in. Today we're taking on a phrase you hear everywhere: "my truth." Jill, Dr. Brashears, and I want to look at it carefully and kindly, because behind that phrase there's usually a person who's hurting.

Jill Miskelley

And I want to start there, with the hurt. When someone says "this is my truth," they're often saying, please take my pain seriously. And we should. A feeling is real. If you feel worthless, that feeling is a real event in a real person. Nobody gets to wave it away.

Dr. Michael Brashears

I agree, and that's where I'd push a little. Real and self validating are two different things. Let me give you a picture. Think about the check engine light on your dashboard. When it comes on, it's telling you something true: something under the hood needs attention. You'd be foolish to ignore it. But the light is not the engine, and it's certainly not the road. If you started steering by the fuel gauge, you'd end up in a ditch.

Steve Miskelley

So feelings are the dashboard. Important, but not the driver.

Dr. Michael Brashears

Right. They're indicators. They tell us something is happening inside. They don't tell us, on their own, what is good, what is true, or who we are.

Jill Miskelley

Can I go further, though? Because I think the stakes are higher than a ditch. If my sense of worth rides entirely on how I feel today, then when the storm comes, I lose myself. Identity collapses right along with the emotion. I've watched what despair does to a person's picture of themselves, and it is brutal. It tells you that you're a burden, that you're nothing. And in that moment, "my truth" has nothing to push back with.

Dr. Michael Brashears

That's the practical problem. There's another picture I like, and it comes from flying. A pilot in thick cloud can feel completely level while the plane is actually banked and tightening into what's called a graveyard spiral. The body is screaming, I'm fine, we're straight. The pilot survives by trusting the instruments over the sensation. The instruments are outside of him, and that's their whole value.

Steve Miskelley

Which is the argument for an anchor outside the person. If the only thing you've got is the feeling, you've got no instrument panel.

Dr. Michael Brashears

Exactly. And the Christian claim is that there is an instrument panel. Human worth is not self invented. Genesis 1:26 and 27 says humanity is made in the image of God, the imago Dei. Dr. Margy Hill, writing for the American Association of Christian Counselors, describes it as more than doctrine. She calls it a clinical lens: every person carries both the dignity of the image and the wounds of its distortion.

Jill Miskelley

I love that, because it holds both things. It doesn't say you're fine, and it doesn't say you're garbage. It says you're an image bearer who is also wounded. Your worth is given. You can't earn it, and you can't lose it by failing.

Steve Miskelley

And that keeps us from two mistakes. One is the self glorifying version, where whatever I feel and want is automatically right. The other is shame, where I conclude I'm worthless because I failed or because I hurt.

Dr. Michael Brashears

Right, and the same anchor matters for morality. If goodness is only whatever a person or a culture feels at the moment, then we can't say a cruelty is wrong when the culture shifts. We need a standard that isn't moved by our moods. Scripture says goodness has a source outside us. That's why conviction can be a gift. It says, there's something true here, come back toward it, and you're still loved while you do.

Jill Miskelley

Now I need to say something plainly, because it matters to our family more than almost anything. Everything we've just said is about ordinary human struggle. Grief. A marriage in conflict. A hard life transition. Questions of forgiveness, guilt, meaning, faith. Spiritual counseling is a good and appropriate place for those.

Jill Miskelley

But it is not the place for serious mental illness or a psychiatric crisis. Our son Ian died because of mental illness. So please hear me. Prayer and Scripture are not a substitute for medical care.

Steve Miskelley

And let's be specific, because vague warnings don't help anyone at two in the morning. Get prompt medical or mental health help if someone is thinking about ending their life, has a plan, or is harming themselves. If they're hearing or seeing things that aren't there, or they're convinced of things that aren't real, like being watched or targeted. If someone is in a manic state, barely sleeping, acting in ways that put them at risk. Or if they can't take care of basic needs like eating, safety, or knowing what's real. In the United States, you can call or text 988, or go to an emergency room.

Dr. Michael Brashears

And that's not a failure of faith. I want to say that as clearly as I can. We are embodied souls. The brain is an organ, and organs get sick and get injured. Nobody tells a person with a broken leg to simply pray harder and skip the cast. The grounding source for this is Grace Christian Counseling, which says it well: ethical Christian counseling knows its limits, and wisdom includes collaboration.

Jill Miskelley

I think people fear that going to a psychiatrist means they've lost their dignity. Or that their faith was too weak.

Dr. Michael Brashears

Which is exactly backwards. According to Dr. Margaret Musso, writing in Church Life Journal, the Church holds to the imago Dei even when a person's mental faculties are severely limited. Pope Saint John Paul II said the same. Illness does not erase the image. And the Church has a history here. In 1410, in Valencia, Father Juan Gilabert Jofre helped found what's described as the first dedicated psychiatric hospital. Faith and medicine were never meant to be enemies.

Steve Miskelley

So if you're a pastor, a counselor, a friend at church, what's the practical takeaway?

Dr. Michael Brashears

Know your lane, and know your handoff. Listen, pray, and tell the truth about a person's worth. But when you see those warning signs, move quickly toward a clinician, a crisis line, or an emergency room, and stay with the person while you do. Care for the soul and care for the brain work together.

Jill Miskelley

One last thing from me. If you're listening and you're the one in the dark, and your feelings are telling you that you're a burden or that nothing will change, please hear this. That feeling is real, and it is not the whole truth about you. Tell someone today, and reach out for help. You are worth the effort of staying.