Blueprint Over Mirror: Identity, Pain, and Real Care

Steve Miskelley

I was, um, I was reading this piece by Matt Chandler the other day, and he says something that just completely stopped me in my tracks. He writes, because we are the created and not the Creator, we are not the measure of anything. And, I, I, I mean, think about that. We are not the measure of anything. It is this total contrast between mirror thinking, where you look inward to, like, invent your own worth, and blueprint thinking, where you receive an identity. But Michael, if you tell someone who is drowning in depression that they aren't the point, doesn't that just sound incredibly harsh?

Dr. Michael Brashears

No, see, I think it is actually the, the, the ultimate relief. It sounds counterintuitive, I get it, but think about the alternative. If you are the creator of your own identity, then you have to perform it, you have to defend it, you have to wake up every single morning and, and, and construct your own value from scratch. That is an exhausting, crushing psychological burden. When you realize you aren't the measure of all things, you can finally stop staring in the mirror trying to self-invent.

Jill Miskelley

It is the difference between generating your worth and receiving it. When we talk about the imago Dei, the image of God, we are talking about an objective blueprint. It is a permanent moral anchor. It doesn't, um, it doesn't fluctuate based on your mood, or your utility, or whether you had a productive day. It is just there, completely intact, even when your mind is telling you otherwise.

Steve Miskelley

Okay, but when someone is in deep pain, their feelings feel like the only truth that matters. How do you respect that pain without letting it completely define their reality?

Dr. Michael Brashears

Well, think of it like, uh, like the check engine light on your car dashboard. That little light is a real electrical signal. It is really glowing, and you absolutely cannot ignore it. But, and here is the key, the light is not the engine. It is not the thing that can diagnose the problem, and it certainly cannot repair the underlying issue. The problem we run into is that we treat the subjective emotional signal as the ultimate truth, rather than just a warning light telling us to look deeper, under the hood.

Jill Miskelley

Right, and if you just try to validate the light itself, you never actually fix the engine. In pastoral care, we sometimes make the mistake of validating the false beliefs the pain produces, like, I am worthless, or, I am completely beyond hope, instead of validating the very real suffering while pointing them back to the blueprint.

Dr. Michael Brashears

But we have to be incredibly honest about the limits of pastoral care. There is a line where spiritual counseling has to yield to clinical intervention. Think of a carbon monoxide leak in your home. When that alarm goes off, you do not sit in the living room and pray the gas away, or, or, or try to hold a theological seminar about why the air tastes funny. You get out of the house. You evacuate. You call the professionals. Trying to theologize active clinical psychosis, or a severe manic phase, or acute suicidal intent, it is not pastoral. It is dangerous.

Steve Miskelley

But Michael, if a pastor immediately hands someone off the second they bring up severe struggle, it can feel like a betrayal. It, it, it feels like abandonment. The church is basically saying, you are too broken for us, go let the clinical folks deal with you. How is that care?

Jill Miskelley

Steve, we cannot treat a medical emergency as a lack of faith. When we lost Ian, we saw firsthand how the church can sometimes wrap a biological crisis in the language of spiritual warfare. And when the prayer doesn't fix a chemical imbalance, it doesn't just fail to help, it adds this massive layer of spiritual shame. Refusing to refer someone to clinical care isn't keeping them close, it is putting their life in danger.

Dr. Michael Brashears

Exactly. A referral is not an eviction. It is a coordination of care. We have to protect the physical life first so that there is still a person there to do the spiritual healing once they are biologically stable. The pastor and the clinician, they aren't competitors. They are working on different parts of the same house.

Steve Miskelley

Yeah. I, I see that. It is about keeping them safe so they can actually receive the community support later.

Jill Miskelley

It really is. We need both. Well, I think that is a good place to stop for today. Thanks for the conversation.